Helpless

Y’all, it’s been a tough week.  I’ve been exhausted to the point of wanting to hide under a blanket until Christ himself came back, and I’ve felt utterly helpless for a majority of it. 

It’s in my nature to protect people.  I can remember all through school, as far back as first grade, feeling my heart break whenever anyone was picked on.  I would rush to stand between “that kid” and whatever mob was trying to proverbially lynch him or her. I would make an effort to eat lunch with them, learn their story and just be their friend.  I had a disdain for bullies then, and I that’s not changed at all now.  I just want to guard people from getting their feelings hurt.  I sometimes cry when we watch COPS. Seriously. I cry like a baby which, of course, confuses the snot out of my LEO.  

“WHAT is it this time?” 

“They’re wearing SOCKS!!”

“..what???”

“SOCKS AND A BELT!”

He doesn’t get it, but to me that drug leashed soul was someone’s baby. They have a name, and a birthday and a mom and a dad and…omg. Can. Not. Deal. Tears me up.  Those shells are people.  And Jesus loves people.  I love people.

I’m sensitive. I can’t help it. 

I’ve had the same best friend since 8th grade.  Now, granted, I have a couple of very close girlfriends in whom I can share most anything.  I keep that circle ridiculously small, and for good reason.  You shouldn’t be intimately close with a large number of people. You’ll begin to lose yourself.  However, this best friend and I are the kind that can go years without seeing one another and never miss a beat.  I’ve joked before that God knew we were sisters, but He also knew better than to try and have one parent raise us together.  Both of our moms suffered miscarriages before we were born.  Testing the waters, I guess. 

She keeps getting herself into predicaments I can’t protect her from.  I say that like she in any capacity chose to be in these predicaments… nonetheless, I can’t fix them.  Cancer was the first one.  Then…last week happened. 

Last Thursday, I get a Facebook message from a relatively new acquaintance who tells me that someone killed himself.  What this person doesn’t realize, is they’re referring to my best friend’s dad. Oh sure, he knows we know one another. He doesn’t know he just told me my best friend’s life has derailed and I’m nowhere nearby to catch her. Immediately I call her.  

No answer. 

So..I do the patient sensible thing and wait until she calls me back. Just kidding. I blow her phone up.  She answers.

“Where are you?!”
“…at my dad’s…”
“Who is with you?”

Basically, I need to know she’s ok and not alone. She’s not alone, as her husband is there.  Fast forward through Sunday. Lots of crying, lots of hugging, lots of nights spent staring at the ceiling for this girl and feeling as if my insides are jello spaghetti.

I can’t fix it. What good am I if I can’t fix it??

Other things that have bothered me this week that will probably become their own blog entry topics:

  • Feel-good ministry status updates (I’m looking at you Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer) that are frequently re-posted on people’s statuses and the lack of scripture in them.  Apparently, there’s a large market for spiritual fortune cookies. 
  • On the same note, the trend of movies, shows and books that are making millions on Biblical sounding principles but..again..no scriptural basis. 
  • Why Steven and David “fell asleep” but Ananias “died”
  • Death in general
  • Finances
  • Being worst mom ever for not signing up my kid for tee ball (I had no idea he even knew what it was. I was wrong.)
  • Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and feeling like a pincushion
  • Marketing The Siren

I try not to blog when I’m blah.  I’m blah.  Just…blah.

On a happy note- it’s not snowing again.  

xoxo

Brandi

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Top Posts & Pages

%d bloggers like this: