Diving In

I had no idea what to title this post. I’m hoping, by the time I end it, I’ll have a clue. Probably not, because it will be quite scattered.  I’ve started to read my new Beth Moore study that the hubs picked up for me.  She says in her introduction that, normally, introductions are written last to make the whole thing seem intentional.  Or something.  I get that.  Sometimes, like today, I don’t have any idea where my posts will end up.  Sometimes, they’re on purpose. 

Actually, that’s on a long list of things I don’t know right now.  I mean, generally that’s an excessive list anyway, but here lately it’s REALLY long.  I mean- let’s recap.  

In the past 12 months:

  • We’re pregnant/we’re not pregnant
  • Don’t run an organization/now runs an organization
  • Not a business owner/business owner/still work full time elsewhere
  • I may have cancer/I (praise God)don’t have cancer/we think you’ll probably have cancer in the future
  • My insides won’t stop coming out/we have no idea why this is happening/let’s medicate the snot out of you until it stops/did someone mention blood transfusion? Uh…let’s pretend this never happened
  • Hubs gets new job/hubs quits new job/hubs has no job
  • Daycare/kindergarten

 None of these things are bad.  Really. Even the cancer thing turned out to be ok for now.  It’s just been a heavy year. It seems like everything with which I was complacent, even my own body, has been shook to the core and completely rearranged.  I have reached a point where I’m not sure gravity will be in effect tomorrow.  I make no promises, because the answer is “I don’t know.”

I feel like Moses. I’m comfortable here, and this bush wants me to what? Completely uproot my life and wander until I get to where I’m supposed to go?  Are you kidding me? What happened to what I had? Why can’t we just build on that?

I’ve come to the conclusion, by being given spiritual-crayons-and-construction-paper sort of insight, that this is a time of transition. Ok, I get that. My devotional today stated, “…you won’t be able to do anything God has purposed you to do while standing in your old familiar place.”
 
Police Wives of Kentucky has picked up tremendously.  I’ve been shown so much need and opportunity that I am, frankly, overwhelmed.  Praise God I have some amazing help, now, and I am so excited to put more focus there.  In fact, maybe a lot more.  I put in a semi-notice at work today.  With all the hubbub of everything, I took a self inventory.  Where am I in my life? What do I want to be doing? What am I doing to get there? 
 
I’m sitting in an office in a job for which I’m thankful and it pays the bills, but I want to be nearly done with my degree and on my way to a career that fulfills the part of me that I feel lead to accomplish.  However, I can want for a million years and be complacently waiting…for nothing.  So, this week I applied to go back to school!! I also made a realllyyy long post to our local news station and explained my thoughts about their approach to law enforcement.  This garnered some very positive support from the surrounding area, and we have lunch coming up with a Sheriff from a county I’d have never thought about moving to.  I told my boss today that I’m not quitting in the next two weeks, but that I do know that there is change coming for us.  That’s all I know.  No timetable…yet. 

I’m ready. I’m opening my hands and letting go.  I’m taking a deep breath and diving in (oh look! My title!)!

-Brandi

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