God’s Not Ok with Me

A beautiful, wonderful, sweet friend of mine shared this on her Facebook today, from author Lysa TerKeurst:

Say this with me today… God is okay with me even when I’m not okay with me. (And that’s a beautiful truth!)
Lysa didn’t post any scripture with her status, just this sentence.  I read it.  I read it again.  I read it a third, fourth and fifth time.  Then I stared at the wall for a few minutes.  Why did this simple, feel good sentence bother me so much? It’s a wonderful concept, rooted in great intentions… but the whole thing just bugged the snot out of me.
I responded to my friend’s status (though I try not to share such opinions when they aren’t solicited… but this was like a thorn in my foot!) with the following:
So…I read this about 5 times. Chewed on it a bit and thought about it… and here ‘s what I came up with. God isn’t always ok with me, even when I am ok with me. I’m most definitely a work in progress.Paul says, ““In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:4-6

I’ll agree that He *loves* me, even when I don’t love me, and I think *that’s* a beautiful truth.

It wasn’t long before my post was seen, and replied with (by a third person):
God may not be ok with our behavior sometimes, but he is always ok with us because of the work Christ did for us. We may not be ok with our children’s behavior all the time, but we are still ok with them because they are ours.
I respectfully disagree (though I took my own advice and didn’t reply), because I think being “ok” with someone and loving them are two very different things.  While God’s love is unfailing, that doesn’t mean He’s “always ok” with us.  If my son turns out to be a drug addicted bank robber- I will still love him.  That doesn’t mean I’d be “ok” with him. I’d see need for drastic change.  I think God sees the same in us.  Grace covers our sins and, as a child of The Father. I am forgiven.  However, again, that doesn’t mean there isn’t work to be done and growing to accomplish.  I have so much to do, and there is so much to be done in me!  Do I have to be “ok” with Little Man’s decisions to love him? Certainly not.  Will I believe in God’s word, and continue to love the living snot out of him while praying for a direction in his life that aligns with God’s will? Oh, you betcha.  Daily.
I surely wasn’t looking to open a debate on the topic.  I was just very perplexed about the whole thing, and couldn’t let it go for whatever reason.
On the same token but kinda different token (yep), I started thinking about all of those who speak on God’s behalf, often in a seemingly flippant manner.  I’ve always been a little put off by books written in the first person of God’s viewpoint.  I think there’s a Book where He spoke for himself plenty.  Do I think we need to dig deeper, meditate on His word and grow from it? Oh, without hesitation! Yes! I just think we should use a lot of discernment in whom we place our trust to help us form those opinions.
The Bible isn’t all feel good and sugar sweet. I’ll even go as far as to say that “love” isn’t God’s pinnacle attribute (a lesson, learned from my pastor, that has stuck with me).  God’s pinnacle attribute is holiness.  Everyone wants to say God is love and God is just.  Yeah, He is. However, I feel the reason we have both sides is because they’re tied together in Holiness.  You’ve got to take the good with the hard to swallow, but that’s another post for another day.
My point is this- take the Word, the whole Word and nothing but the Word.  Meditate on it, pray about it and beware of cherry picking as we all tend to want to do.  Also, I’m so thankful God isn’t through with me, yet.  We’re fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and daily molded to serve His purpose.

The Siren


Since our last chat, God has really been putting up big neon, blinking signs- just as I requested.  I’ve been putting up big excuses.

“I don’t have TIME to invest into anything else.” Here- stomach bug. Now you have plenty of time to get everything organized.  As in, four straight days.

“I don’t have the money to put forth into this venture.” Have you forgotten your tax return?

“I don’t know how to do all these spreadsheets, I’m better at guns and guitars than I am style stuff and I have no idea what I’m doing running a business.” I’ve blessed you with friends who are more than willing to help, and you’re already a business manager for someone else. Use those skills here.

“But…” Nope.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of work. A LOT of work. And, I’m scared. This is a huge leap of faith.  We don’t have a lot of money and, what we do have, is already spent.  My LEO has been so  supportive in this, though. I took a nap yesterday and, when I woke up, he told me I’d been asleep a couple of hours and should probably check my store.  Indeed, it was a good call.

My fears are financial, of course. I’m also afraid of letting it consume my time to the point that I start losing sight of my priorities. Today, I stopped and took time to pray that God wouldn’t let me stop praying. I don’t want to rest on a taste of success (yesterday and the day before have been great days, though I’ve not quite made what I’ve spent yet).  I want to continue to grow and give glory to God. I’ve prayed to let this be a ministry.  I AM giving 10% of all sales to an LEO based organization (by need). I plan to do so quarterly when I pay my taxes. It’s all new, and I just don’t know how it will all work, yet. I just know I have to do one of those blind steps in faith.  I just have no answers.

What I do know, however, are there are big changes on the horizon.  A small part of me wants to go back to bed. I’m a creature of habit. While I love adventure, I’m easily homesick and like my patterns.  However, the biggest part of me feels as if it is my birthday! I  am so excited and full of joy. It’s inexplicably overwhelming and I can’t help but nearly bounce off the walls when I think on it.

I also know Jeremiah 29:11 holds a promise.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Prosper me? Hope & a future? How can one NOT rest in that?

Not to mention 2 Timothy 1:7:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

Be bold!


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